Crowd Pleaser

I just love being here
At the center of the stage
Admired and adored
loosing myself in the beautiful mirage

yet soon the excitement vanishes
leaving nothing but this fragile hollow soul
and then I'll once again act like a fool
put on that clowny smile just to get that fake applause

Pleasing you is an ecstasy
making me fly high
drowned in the shameful fantasy
of being the best I can be

Pleasing you is an ectasy
I'm addicted to do so
even when I'm fully aware
I've lost the true little me
to the sweet sound of "encore"

Dear Lord Jesus,
Here I am lying down in the dark
whispering words
that somehow resonate
in this dark little corner of my heart

Lord I'm simply exhausted,
being their nice little girl
Feeling extremely enervated
trying to understand the crowd

Yet, the crowd won't let me stop
they keep telling me what to do
they keep telling me what I am
they keep telling me who I am
even when they've never walked in my shoes
even when they've never kissed my tears
even when they've never really listened to my voice

Dear Father
who knows me better
vindicate me  O Lord
get me out of the crowd
teach me how to stop being a crowd pleaser
teach me to love myself unconditionally

Sl3 Feb 08